Why Pain?

I went over to my parent’s house the other night to mooch a free dinner before heading off to the gym. While I was eating my dad changed the channel. The movie ‘Shadowland’ came on. This was a movie about CS Lewis and his wife. I’ve heard about it, though I had forgotten the name. Since CS Lewis is probably my favorite Christian writer and Anthony Hopkins and Debra Winger are good actors, I thought perhaps this would be a good movie. My assumption was proved correct. Shadowlands was a very good movie. In fact I already recommended it to a close friend of mine. In fact I’m recommending to anyone, especially single folks. Why?

CS Lewis spent much thought and writing on pain. He wrote a book about it ‘The Problem of Pain’ (haven’t read this yet) and he mentions it in many of his books. In ‘Shadowlands’ the CS Lewis character discusses the topic of pain at several points in the movie, both before, during and after his marriage. Pre-marriage he related to pain from the standpoint of a boy (who lost his mother) running away from it. Post marriage he dealt with as a man who was finally forced to confront it head-on.

There were a couple of lines from the movie which I felt were very impacting and thought provoking: one was uttered by Deborah Winger “The pain then is part of the happiness now. That's the deal.” The other was uttered by Anthony Hopkins “forgive me Jesus if I love her too much”. In the closing scenes Anthony Hopkins also says something about how he dealt with pain as a boy versus as a man.

I found this movie to be very thought provoking. Why did CS Lewis wait till his late 50’s to get married? He seemed very content being single and yet God threw this woman into his life in such a way he couldn’t simply ignore her. There was almost an instant chemistry and attraction between both of them; however, Lewis refused to acknowledge his feelings. Even after they officially were married, to keep her in England, he still wouldn’t acknowledge any feelings, nor recognize Joy as anything more then a close friend. It wasn’t until she was diagnosed with cancer that Lewis realized the depth of his feelings for Joy. It was at this point that he acknowledged his feelings and remarried her (for real).

Why does it so often seem we humans refuse to acknowledge the depth of our feelings towards each other until death or a definitive end is near? I wonder how the loss of CS Lewis’s mother affected him in with his relationships towards women. It’s obvious; he was in fact not a eunuch and had room in his heart to love a woman. Then why did it take so long for him to open his heart to a woman?

I ask these questions because they perplex me as well. From watching the movie, which is based on true events, I can conclude that God had a reason for bringing Joy in Lewis’s life and then taking her away (the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away). From the brevity of their marriage I can assume God didn’t bring Joy (a curious name, given her effect on Lewis) into Lewis’s life for the standard reasons which may be attributed to most marriages (procreation, partnership, a long lifetime commitment). Though they didn’t procreate, Lewis did inherit a child from their union (her son from a previous marriage), they did fulfill their vows of commitment to each other and there was a partnership. However, why did God wait till the end of Lewis’s life? Why is it so important to God that we sinners come to certain realizations in this life? Why can’t this all wait till eternity? In this case, did God want to open Lewis’s eyes in order for him to write down his revelations after his wife’s death to minister to others? In truth no one but God knows these answers; however, I’m still very curious.

Why recommend this movie especially to single folks? I believe Hollywood has polluted our minds with lies about physical love and its false promises of fulfillment and in part I believe this has led to false, or improper, expectations of marriage which can lead to divorce. Men desire marriage for physical fulfillment while women desire emotional fulfillment. Now it’s not necessarily the desire for this fulfillment that is wrong, it’s where we look for it. Even in most Christian marriages, I believe these desires are focused away from God. If you’re looking for it I believe this movie may show you a small taste of God’s intentions for marriage. I believe God wants to awaken and stir something inside us for Jesus Christ. I believe God needs to focus us off ourselves first and pain and suffering are the most effective, perhaps the only, tools for this task. True love requires a focus off of self and if we can take our eyes off of ourselves and focus love on another human being (a spouse) perhaps there’s the possibility we will see Jesus Christ somehow? Perhaps we’ll be able to understand a small amount of the love He feels for each of us? Perhaps then we can understand (in a very small way) the pain of separation between the Father and Jesus Christ? Perhaps then we can understand (in a very small way) how heinous sin is?

I believe God brought Joy into Lewis’s life, both in name and deed. It was important to God that Lewis understand how to truly love another human being. It was important to God that his heart be opened, not necessarily so he could love his wife (though this is part of it), but more importantly so God could enter into a part of Lewis’s heart which he had kept under lock and key since his mother’s death. I often wonder if I’ve locked a part of my heart after a dramatic (for me) break up several years ago. (a dear diary moment, you’ll have to excuse me).

So I guess this article has somehow evolved into a case for marriage. Though Paul mentions that it is better to remain single then marry, we all have to keep in mind this is in reference to a particular gift, which fortunately or not, not many of us can claim.

At any rate, I have to put a disclaimer on this article. This is most definitely the ramblings of a sinner. This is most definitely more of a journal entry rather then an exhortation, as is my typical style.