Alone or with a roommate?
I know several folks, mostly women, who prefer to live by themselves. Why? The answer I typically get from both the men and women is that they won’t live with anyone else until they’re married. I find this answer interesting, so I ask them something like: “Well why do you think it will be better to live with your spouse then with a member of the same sex?” Basically I get the feeling, without them saying it, that it has to do with sex and euphoric love, but doesn’t that fade away fairly quickly?
I believe the real answer is these people are afraid of rejection and people finding out how bad they really are. They don’t want to be held accountable because they feel they’re that bad and can’t or won’t change. If you feel this way you desperately need a reality pill. If you think a roommate will see your flaws, how much more clearly and quickly will a spouse? You better never get married and become a hermit if you feel this way.
I watched this show last night called ‘Heroes’. It’s actually a very interesting show; however, that’s not what I want to focus on. I want to focus on one line from the movie and it went something like: “I don’t know about America. Everyone seems so lonely there.” This was a very interesting statement and I’m afraid it’s very accurate and a large part of why this country is falling apart piece by piece. Probably also has something to do with why churches are falling apart piece by piece as well. Admonishment, discipleship, encouragement and any other forms of actual real person to person interactions in the church are almost nonexistent. Now more and more single Christians prefer to live alone. Why?
I live by myself, but I’d much rather have a roommate. However, I’ve had my share of bad roommate’s so I’m very particular about who I’ll live with. The last guy I lived with was a complete slob and a smell emanated from his room. However, I valued his spiritual maturity and insights enough that the other stuff didn’t matter as much. As much as I hate smells and too much sloppiness, I’d still like to have this guy as a roommate. He’s in seminary now, but it’s great living with a person who is spiritually mature. You can learn so much about yourself. Also, I picked up a few things from my last roommate which really impacted me. One of them was the concept of praying for people on the spot. If someone mentions a need, pray for them right there and then. Don’t say you’ll pray for them later. This is a great way to: 1. encourage someone and 2. Stop them from dump trucking their problems, which can lead to a sinful focus on themselves.
Anyway, my opinion is that it’s far better to live with someone then to live alone. Only live alone if it’s absolutely necessary. Living with another human being is like having a piece of sand paper pressed against your heart and soul. It will work out the rough edges. If you can handle living with a member of the same sex, then you’ll be that much better off when you’re married and have to spend the rest of you life living with a member of the opposite sex.
Just my opinion. No biblical references.
6 comments:
Sam,
As a guy (I can't speak for all of us ;) ), I don't see anything wrong with a woman hanging out with and having fun with friends. I'm also not sure how a guy could perceive this as too independent of you? Maybe I'm missing something, but these guys might need to examine themselves first, if they're going to be threatened by your friendships? However, if these friends include other guys, then yes I could see how this could be a deterrent for some guys. This is not to say this is wrong for the woman, but it may be a deterrent for some guys just the same. These guys may perceive a lack of emotional availability and/or feel threatened.
As someone who is forced to admit he's a "people person" I also enjoy hanging out with and having fun with my friends. Sam I would say you're definitely a people person. Even though you seem extraverted (energized by people) and I'm introverted (drained by people), we both prefer the company of people than being by ourselves. Contrary to what anyone would say, there's nothing wrong with this. Yes hanging out with people too much can be bad as it doesn't allow us time for self examination and reflection, but we were created for fellowship. Everything in moderation is the key! Putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes also helps.
No problame-o! It was pretty much non-stop busy-ness for me this past weekend. I saw you at Madra Rua. Yes we didn't have much of a chance to talk, but it was still good to see you none-the-less. I'll let you know the next time I'm in town.
Secondly, I have to apologize for not remembering the after Exchange thing when I told you, you were independent. So I can't remember the full context of the conversation, nor what prompted me to say that. However, I'll take your word for it and it does sound like something I'd say.
I must also confess that I prefer independent minded people to dependent. Now this is not to say I prefer deist's who believe God lives in our attics, or something, and only "helps those who help themselves". We should be fully dependent on God and confident in His promises.
Perhaps we're thinking of two different references to independent? I can assure you I didn't mean that you seem to be self-contained and have no need of anyone in your life. If I meant it that way then it would've been a criticism rather then a compliment. Like I said, since I can't remember that particular conversation I'm not 100% sure what I meant, but I'm sure I didn't mean it as a criticism.
Anyway, Sam, I must say that I think you may be putting thoughts into other folks heads, or projecting. Over the years I've noticed this tendency to project in myself and others and it causes a great deal of undo grief for the person doing the projecting. Does that make any sense? I guess what I'm getting at is we should all be comfortable and content in how God has made us. Of course we ought not allow this to be an excuse for sinful behavior. At this point it's between you and God as to whether or not He's asking you to change something. Basically who cares what everyone else thinks or doesn't think? Only God's opinion matters anyway and His concern is the state of your heart.
I like what your best friend said to you.
“ Woe to him who strives with his Maker! Let the potsherd strive with the potsherds of the earth! Shall the clay say to him who forms it, ‘What are you making?’ Or shall your handiwork say, ‘He has no hands’? (Isaiah 45:9) and Romans 9:19-23
Hey, thanks again for helping me move. I agree with your thoughts on the subject of single living. I think to live with people, esp brothers and sisters in Christ is a wonderful thing. You really learn more about yourself and you have others around to grow with. I really felt like i was missing out in college not living in a dorm or with other girls. I think to wait until marriage to live with someone is not a good idea, because for me living alone for two years was pretty lonely, and for a Christian i think its important to be around others that can encourage and talk to about different topics.
Also living with others tests patience big time!
Hey Lauren,
Welcome to my blog. ;)
Funny this particular post is pretty much right in line with our conversation during your move.
Speaking of which, I hope you're final move in went well.
Occasionally I feel so all alone. <> Alone as in with: whom to discuss a current event. <> So alone as in: thrilled about the accomplishment of something much sought after and there is no cheering section or pep squad, such as the nod of the head or tipping of the hat. <> All by Myself: as in celebrating daily joys without encouragement or pats on the back from another person. I always recall, I am not alone, Jehovah Is with me, sometimes I seem to feel His smiles. Do you have similar times?
WOG,
That loneliness you feel is natural, especially if you’re single. Contrary to what some religions and people profess we aren’t random accidents in the universe. We were created by God to love, worship and praise Him. Our desire for completion, acceptance, identity, acknowledgement and companionship find their ultimate fulfillment in Jesus Christ.
Regarding your desiring acknowledgement for accomplishments I can’t say I relate to this, as far as feeling lonely as a result of not having this. I feel lonely when I desire to simply have a woman to hold, to share life with, to love, to give things to and do nice things for, a woman I can say is beautiful and perhaps build a family with and yet have no one in my life. Anyway, I don’t think what you’re looking for in these circumstances is companionship rather I believe you’re looking for praise. However, we all know the praise of people is very fickle. For instance, your boss can tell you you’re doing a great job one day, but then the next criticize you for making even a very small mistake. Human praise is extremely finite. However, when God says “well done good and faithful servant”, this is a final judgment.
The good news today is that God is pleased with you right now. The way you are. There’s no act you can do to make this better or worse. The work was all done & the price was fully paid by Jesus Christ. Part of what He did on the cross was free us all from being concerned with human praise because in light of what Jesus Christ has done I’m free to not sin. I’m free to serve and love others, not for their praise and not so God will finally be pleased with me, but because I love my Lord and savior. I could never do enough good works to make up for my sins. How can anyone make up for trying to dethrone God and requiring Him to serve them? No one can. No one but Jesus Christ.
To answer your question, however, I can’t say I feel God’s smile, but I do feel His hand in my life and His love, especially in light of my sin. Recall the following verses: John 16:32 & Matthew 27:46. Both of these verses deal a bit with loneliness from Jesus’ perspective. You can see Jesus doesn’t agonize over His disciples abandoning Him. It’s only when the Father turns His back on Him (because of our sins btw), that Jesus is in utter agony.
Basically our relationship with other people is a one way street. That is we are called to love others the way Jesus has loved us. That is God first loved us. We didn’t first love Him (1 John 4:19). The closer our relationship with Jesus the more we can love others because we are free from expectations. We can accomplish great things for the kingdom without anyone but God knowing. Our right hand shouldn’t know what the left is doing (Matthew 6:3).
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