Why do we choose hell?

I met with the interim singles pastor, from the church I’m currently attending, the other day for lunch. Of course I was thinking perhaps this was going to be a meeting concerning my ascension to leadership in the singles group. My pride was wrong yet again. The meeting was about me attending a 20 something’s singles group instead of the 30 something’s singles group. The meeting lasted for about 1-1/2 hours and we had a good talk. I think I made my perspective and reasoning clear to him and he made his perspective clear to me. The outcome of the meeting was inconclusive (he’s going to get back with me) and ultimately, for the purpose of this article, irrelevant. I would, however, like to focus on one part of the conversation. That is, are singles groups biblical?

I explained why I believe singles groups are unbiblical and what I believe the more biblical model is. Then I shared with him my belief that humans will always choose hell and related this to the desire of most single people to have singles groups. Why do singles want to be in a singles group? A couple of possibilities: 1. they feel awkward, out of place and unloved in the church body and/or 2. They want to be around other singles folks of the opposite sex who share their belief system, for the purpose of dating. These two possibilities are from the perspective of a single person. Realistically, however, the answer is yet another failure of the church to effectively minister to the body (not just the singles) using a biblical format. What do I mean? I’ll get to that in a little bit.

What do I mean when I say we choose hell? I will answer that with another question. What is hell? More specifically why does it exist, who will go there and why will they go there? Hell is a place of eternal damnation, eternal separation from God. It exists because rebellion exists. People who reject the good news of Jesus Christ will go to hell. These people choose to believe a lie, live in darkness and emptiness, rather then the glorious light. These people utterly reject the notion that they are that bad, need God or arrogantly accept full ownership for their sins and reject the power of forgiveness bought by Jesus Christ. These people choose hell over eternity with Jesus Christ.

So can we assume rebellion leads to sin which leads to death and hell, without the forgiveness of Jesus Christ? Now let’s take a look at how this country was formed. Rebellion! Also how was the protestant movement formed? Rebellion! So both our country’s politics and religious practices are founded in rebellion. Now this is by no means to suggest these rebellions were wrong, just pointing out facts. However, we have to take a long hard look at the results of these rebellions on our society today. 1. A nation pursuing selfish ambition over God and 2. churches continually pop up in rebellion to other denominations. America has never stopped pursuing independence, now even from God, and the protestant movement in America has never stopped protesting and pursuing independence steeped in rebellion. So now we have thousands of denominations and religions which supposedly follow the teachings of Jesus Christ. Which church is true and which is false? The lines become obscured and so only God knows.

Back to the churches failure to reach out to and minister to single members of the body. When the first pastor decided to start up a singles ministry what was he most likely thinking? Only God knows, but I suppose he was sick of listening to the frustrations of the single people who kept crying for a singles group. “I’m not married because I can’t meet any single members of the opposite sex.” So the pastor finally caved in, put a ministry reject in charge (as most churches still do) and the glorious singles movement was birthed from the Sunday school format.

What are the problems with the singles ministries: 1. leadership 2. separation from the church body 3. seen as rejects 4. pastors (especially those who have been married since they were 12) have no clue how to minister to singles.

Leadership: from the perspective of someone involved in ministry, being a singles pastor has to seem like the bottom of the barrel, even a youth pastor is looked at with more respect (especially since many senior pastors started out as youth pastors). This is the special needs arm of the church. As a result singles pastors either see it as a very temporary stepping stone to bigger and better paying jobs or they’re the worst of the worst. Basically this means that singles either get a pastor with his eyes fixed on something else or who is completely inept or both.

Many times pastors will concede to the will of the congregation, provided it isn’t blatantly unbiblical. It’s so much easier to do what people say and want rather then go to God and His word for wisdom on what’s best for these people. Got to maintain that 6 figure income, and pissing people off is no way to maintain a high standard of living. Don’t want to potentially cause division or lose productive (tithing) members.

So what does choosing hell have to do with Christian singles groups? In summary, the singles want to be around other singles so they don’t feel awkward, out of place and also so they can increase their odds of getting married. The married couples either see themselves as having “graduated” from the singles ministries (high school, college, job, marriage) and so either don’t want to be involved with singles ministries or don’t know how to minister to singles. So the singles effectively either become the rejects of the church or take over the church and turn it into a big “christianized” club scene/meet market with a spattering of Christ. Ever been to a one of these types of churches? My question is: at what point does trying to blend in with society compromise the unbending truth of the word? At what point does giving people what they want essentially go against scripture? At what point does giving people what they want equal unworthy leadership?

Now what does any of this have to do with Christ and hell? I believe Christ has very little to do with this, in fact. I’ve even recently fallen into the trap of believing getting married is a numbers game. Well, especially as a Christian, it isn’t at all. It’s the will of God. Either we as Christians believe God will provide for us or we don’t, or at least we don’t trust God. If we believe it’s a numbers game then we perceive the opposite sex more as an item to be purchased (especially with internet dating) rather then flesh and blood coheirs of eternal salvation. Instead we should hold onto God’s providence and view the opposite sex as people who we should serve and encourage rather then items which we expect to personally satisfy us (whether emotionally or physically). God brings people into your life for His glory not your satisfaction.

Sorry I’m having trouble winding this up. Here goes.

In conclusion, people will naturally choose eternal death and damnation over Jesus Christ every time. Yes, we humans are inherently wicked. If by nature we will choose eternal separation from God, then why wouldn’t that same nature encourage us to separate ourselves from each other? “I don’t want to be reminded of my singleness, so I’m going to separate myself from married couples.” “I hated being single, so now that I’m married I’d rather not be around single people.” “I can’t serve or lead anyone and I’ve been married for 20 years. What do I know about ministering to single people?” Are any of these quotes remotely godly? Yet I bet these thoughts, or very similar ones, have crossed many minds in the church.

To the married members of the body of Christ:
So what do we do with all of these darn single people? You love on them and take them into your small/community groups. You really integrate them into the congregation. You actively put their interests ahead of your own. It’s called discipleship and it’s about sharing your life with someone else with the hope God will move in that person’s life. It’s really easy, what would you desire if you were in their shoes? You’d want to feel loved, accepted, a part of a family. Yes you’d also want to be married, but doesn’t that really stem from this desire to be wanted and belong? I say most single people would be much more content with real Christ like community then with this blind leading the blind mentality of singles ministries we currently have in so many churches.

To the church leadership:
Can the singles groups and actively disciple and encourage the married portion of your congregations to take a very active role in the lives of people outside of their marriage. Yes you’re called to lead your wife and serve your husband, but that person isn’t supposed to be your entire world. Place singles in real community groups with cross generational members. You really want to focus the singles on Jesus Christ take them out of an arena which focuses them on the opposite sex, lustful thoughts, selfish actions and improper/unbiblical perspectives of marriage. “But that’s not our intentions. We are trying to focus them on Jesus Christ through teaching”. What do they say? The path to hell is paved with good intentions. When you put a bunch of single people together what do you think you’re going to get? And why do singles need yet another monologue? We need fellowship, encouragement and discipleship. We need to feel loved and we need the church to really reach out to us instead of placing us in foster care until we’re old enough or well enough to be married. Of course this can’t be done at once, but this should be the goal. If implemented in a gracious way you won’t lose any of the folks God wants you to have. The other benefit is that you won’t need yet another pastor and more money can go out to reaching the community and supporting missionaries. There are many roles in the church which are currently occupied by paid staff which could very easily be done by laymen, deacons or elders, but that’s another article.

Finally, to my single bros and sisters in Christ:
Give your church a chance. I mean a real chance, not 3 strikes and your out. Check out the men’s/women’s fellowships, the missions ministries, the youth groups. Check out any and all of the ministries in the church. God blessed me so much in fellowship at my old church in Charleston. I’ve probably never felt closer to a church family then I did at this church. I’ve heard several of my friends chastise this church and its leadership and they’re welcome to their opinions. Is the church perfect? No, but what church is? It’s too easy to divorce ourselves from marriages, friendships, family members and churches when things don’t go our way or we get hurt. Let me tell you something… It’s this type of mentality which is tearing this country and our churches apart. I’m not innocent of this type of behavior by any means. I’ve been aching to check out another church and I’ve been somewhat chastising the church I’m currently attending. It would be very easy for me to simply leave this church right now and remove myself from the single pastors leadership. However, I want to see what his verdict will be. I want to see how God works in His heart to do His will in my life. God knows I’d love to have more direction in my life and this is one way to possibly get it.