Is Marriage the answer?

I believe many, if not everyone, struggles with this sense of loneliness. I think everyone handles this loneliness in different ways, depending on how acutely aware of it they are. Some people fill this hole with godly things like: helping other people, reading the Bible, praying and helping other people (did I say that twice?). Other folks fill their lives with the abuse, or too much, of: drugs, sex, money, work, material goods, power, church, church ministries, vacations, friends, marriage and other such distractions or combinations. The thing is this loneliness can very well remain while hanging out with friends or even spending time with a loving spouse. Why? Could it be we weren’t created for other people?

Think about the following story: You're a soldier, with bad vision, sent into war without your glasses (your choice by the way). Unfortunately, several of your buddies, with even worse eyesight then you, have made the same bad decision, concerning not wearing their glasses. Everyone else is completely blind. Suddenly, everyone in your company has been pierced by the poisonous arrows of the enemy. Most of your buddies feel the pain but either can barely make out the arrow, live in denial or don't understand where it's coming from. However, even with your bad vision you can at least somewhat make out the arrow. What do you do? Do you continue to just stare at that blurry arrow and frantically scream and run in place like a lunatic? Or do you take the time to look around and help your buddies? Do you offer to tell your blind buddies that they're standing right next to the medical tent and all they need to do is reach out? Do you offer to at least show those who can see where this tent is?

We were created for fellowship with God not other people. Other people are either the walking dead in need of help or fellow travelers.

For those of you who might think marriage is an answer: I can tell you that marriage is most definitely not the answer (based on what I’ve seen and heard, since I’m 100% single). If you feel lonely hanging out even with your close friends then why would this change with marriage? It’s true you may not feel as lonely, but marriage won’t redeem or save you at all. You’ll still be the same sinner you’ve always been, unless you submit to Jesus Christ.

I do believe we can find a measure fulfillment in this life in God; "to live is Christ" (Philippians 1:21), but not complete (1 Corinthians 13:8-12 & 1 Peter 1:5-9). However, I also believe the Bible teaches (Romans 5:3-5 , 2 Corinthians 2:3-6, 1 Peter 1:5-9, to name a few) much suffering precedes a more mature understanding of God.

The problems with abusing drugs, sex, work, etc… is more obvious then say, the seemingly more complicated and less recognized issue of marriage abuse. No I’m not referring to spousal abuse, at least not in the sense of physically or emotionally. I’m referring to looking for a solution in a spouse. A problem with thinking marriage is a solution, is that any current perceived disappointments (realized as a single), will only multiply as it becomes apparent marriage isn’t the solution. Unfortunately, we’ll still struggle with lust, gossip, insensitivity, greed or any other fault you have (or had) as a single. I believe many married folks see marriage as a means to fill in the loneliness and then become disappointed when they find out their imperfect mate is incapable of being anything more then a partner, or fellow traveler, in life. This destructive expectation, mixed with impatience & selfishness, I believe, has led to the high divorce rate in the church. Of course the media exasperates this situation by desensitizing us to such perversions as fornication, homosexuality & divorce (to name but a small few). Over the last 50 years these perversions have become socially acceptable practices. All are outside of God’s design and all take away from the sanctity of marriage. However, the media & Hollywood’s influence on the church is another article.

Anyway, I think we would all do well to learn the secret of contentment, as Paul did. (Philippians 4:11-13)