Creating More Wounds

E-Dating

So I’ve been on Eharmony again. I started back up last November after I received closure on a relationship I was hoping and praying I would be able to have with a good sister in Christ. When this didn’t work out I of course sought out another path.

Anyway, this Eharmony thing has turned out to be a bust again. I can’t believe I thought it would be any different this time than last. I’m meeting the same kind of women. Hurt, confused and not seeming to really have an active relationship with the Lord, for the most part. Most of them seem to be looking at me as a way out, or a stepping stone, versus a person they really desire to get to know and work with in building a real friendship. I’m beginning to wonder if my expectations are set too high. Are there any women out there actively seeking out the Lord’s will? Are there any women out there who can keep their pants on? Are there any women out there looking to the Lord to provide for them in all aspects of their lives? Are there any women who understand (on any level at all) repentance, forgiveness and the need to pursue holiness in their lives?

Women seem to fall into one of three categories: 1. Legalistic. These types of women are so uptight I could string up to my guitar. They are all about the rules and regulations of Christianity, but don’t seem to understand the joy, peace and rest which Christ has offered. 2. Worldly. These types of women are typically weak willed and fall pray to men of the same ilk or worse encourage good men to fall, in an attempt to treat their own wounds. 3. Unattractive. There are some godly women who are available, however, I can’t bring myself to pursue them as I don’t find them either emotionally or physically attractive. Yes they seem to be following the Lord with all their heart, but that is the beginning and end of their attractiveness. I don’t see much of a point in pursuing a relationship beyond brother and sister with any of these women. My hope is that God has left room for a 4th category. Attractive, chased, free in Christ and really interested in getting to know me and I her.


Whose Fault is it Anyway?

Enough whining.

Last night one of these women I met on Eharmony called me. After speaking with her last night I found that she fits into category #2. From her pictures she appears to be very attractive and further she’s only 2 years younger than me. She also seems very nice, intelligent and claims to be saved. Unfortunately, I learned something disturbing about her last night. She confessed to me that she just got out of a sexually active relationship with a guy she met on Eharmony. Admittedly this was very discouraging to me, as I knew I would have to cut ties with her. We talked for at least an hour and from this conversation I gleamed that she’s been hurt and wounded by this man and probably others in her past. I know if I were to pursue a relationship with her it wouldn’t end well. She’s hurt and conflicted. She needs to take a serious break from dating and stop looking at men as an answer to her questions or a salve for her wounds. She’s caught in a vicious cycle which will keep her on this path of pain and suffering, which unfortunately involves another person.

There are so many people who fall into this sexual trap. As a society we all tend to blame the men (there is a huge problem with men, which I will get to in a bit). As we are seen as the only ones who fall into this trap and we bring women down with us, but this is a misnomer. This woman has obviously been raised with Christian values, and so when she falls prey to men who are struggling with similar issues, she’s conflicted because she knows she made a bad decision. Unfortunately, she’s trapped in a vicious cycle of sin which only Jesus Christ can deliver her from. Until she realizes this she will continue to be hurt and be a party to hurting others, even though this isn’t her intention.

This woman is very similar to a guy I know. He goes in and out of sexual relationships with different women. Some in the church, some not. He’s in a vicious cycle as he seeks escape and fulfillment in the companionship of a woman. He knows it’s not right and tends to call me up when he needs to confess something. However, when I try to explain his situation to him he either ignores it, doesn’t want to discuss it further or doesn’t understand. This only underscores the necessity to pursue Christ. God is the only person who loves my friend and this woman unconditionally as they are today. Jesus Christ is the only person who can forgive their sins, through His actions on the cross. He’s the only true healer for these people, not members of the opposite sex. However, not much can be done for either of these folks unless they confess their sins, repent and ask for God’s forgiveness and restoration in Christ.

Now to the Church

What’s the churches role in all this? This woman is attending a church and a fellowship group and yet I doubt she’s shared any of this with any of them. However, has anyone really asked her how she’s doing? Are there any solid women of faith in her life or even accessible to her? Are there any women in her life keeping her accountable and helping her to not make foolish decisions? I don’t know, but somehow I doubt it.

The guy who took advantage of her: Are there any men in his church holding him accountable? Is anyone asking how he’s doing in his life? Is anyone teaching him that he’s a man and consequently a leader, whether he wants to be or not? So many men in the church pursue weak willed, yet physically attractive women to exploit them. The women, being weak willed, will typically fall for these men because the men seem to love them unconditionally and accept them for who they are. Unfortunately this is a lie and by the time these women discover these they’ve already entered into an unhealthy relationship with this guy. While she may feel guilt, he probably feels less as his fleshly desires have been met and he can always find another weak willed woman, just as she can find another predator in sheep’s clothing to date. That’s what men like this are, predators. The bible speaks on men who prey on weak willed women and their fate.

It is the churches responsibility to keep it’s members accountable. It’s also the churches responsibility to confront and counsel these people, especially these types of men. However, if neither these men or women show indications of accepting godly teaching they should be excommunicated, until they learn to fear the Lord. Otherwise the church is simply condoning their ungodly actions and actively participating in the wounds these people will create in the lives of other church members. Unfortunately none of this is possible if no one knows what’s going on in each others lives and are unafraid to lovingly confront.