One is the Easiest Number that You’ve Ever Seen

Almost every time my mother prays for me she seems to like to bring up the “it’s not good for man to be alone” verse (Genesis 2:18) in her pray to God for me for a godly wife. I’ve argued with her before that this verse may very well pertain to the Holy Spirit (John 14:15-18). Though this verse in Genesis is obviously directly referring to a spouse. However, my mother so fervently desires a wife for me that she will not concede. Thank God for determined, loving, Christian mothers!

Anyway, it is not good for man to be alone, but it is very easy. I’ve lived by myself for nearly 3 years (though the last year I’d mooch dinner off my parents every night) up till about 3 months ago when I moved in with a buddy. While he was gone for work (about 3 days) I relished my alone time. I realized how easy it was for me to get back into my solo routines which took no one, other than me, into consideration. With no one else in the house I could do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. There was no one around to consider when I played my Xbox, ate meals and performed other daily routines & tasks. I realized how easy it has been to live alone. Yes these things are obvious, but since I’ve been living alone for so long I guess I’ve gotten used to it.

I also realized my perceived opportunity to sin dropped dramatically. I tend to run at the mouth sometimes (can you believe that ;) ) and this gets me into trouble. The longer my mouth is open the greater the chance I’m going to sin or be misunderstood. I actually struggle quite a bit with both, when I try to communicate with others. Anyway, I want to focus on the sin aspect of living alone. Living with someone else provides an automatic amount of accountability as there is someone else around to consider and answer to (to an extent). However, I realized because there was no one around to talk with I had no opportunity to speak ill of others (which I do at times in the form of criticisms and judgments).

Soon after realizing the benefits of living alone I realized the huge negative. Man was created for fellowship. Further God created women for the most intimate form of fellowship one human being can have with another.

I’ve realized living alone limits how much I can be stretch, both as a person and spiritually in my relationship with the Lord. Yes Paul discusses the spiritual benefits of the single life in 1 Corinthians 7:25-40, however, he also mentions the spiritual benefits of marriage in Ephesians 5:22-33.

I’ve seen how much God has used a relationship with a woman to grow my best friend both personally and spiritually. Not that his fiancé has necessarily directly helped him to grow, but God has used her in the way he created her to stretch him. Basically he got to the point where he would either utterly fail her as a man and brother in Christ or step up. Through the grace of God in Jesus Christ my friend has step up as a man and brother in Christ, something I’m not sure he could’ve done a few years ago. Something I’m not completely sure I could do now. I’m not just referring to his imminent marriage to this woman, though this is definitely part of it, but I’m also referring to the way he interacts with others.

However, this same friend once made a comment to me about being in a relationship (not specifically to this woman, more of a general statement) versus being alone. He said living alone is the easy way out of life, since there is no one else to consider in how you live your life. This statement has had me thinking about this topic ever since.

Today’s conclusion: Yes it is better to be unmarried, but it is better to be married than to burn. Yes marriage can be a dim reflection of Christ’s relationship with His bride the church, but relationships with the opposite sex can also very easily become idolatry as folks seek out their identity (found in the Father through Jesus Christ), guidance (found in the Holy Spirit) and fulfillment (found in Jesus Christ) in another human being (which I see quite often in the church) instead of as a partner in life. Nothing more, nothing less.

Final conclusion: Live with someone, either the opposite sex in marriage or the same sex as roommates. After prayer and careful consideration, move in with a same sex brother or sister in Christ. If you live alone limit this time of your life to no more than a year, 2 absolute max. Don’t busy your life so much that you ward off the opposite from being able to get to know you. Chances are there’s someone interested in potentially dating you, but they probably won’t want to compete for your time. Don’t fill up your life with too many useless things. It’s relationships God is most concerned with. Don’t talk too much about your busy life as this will communicate a general disinterest in dating. Always put opportunities to get to know other better ahead of the general busyness of life, especially the opposite sex. Of course these are just my feelings. If I’m dating a woman I don’t want to feel like a low priority in her life. If she continually talks about going here and there and doing this and that, I interpret this as either disinterest or she’s just not ready for a mature dating relationship.

I’m not sure I tied everything together well. If anyone reads this blog anymore (I know how lazy I’ve been with it lately) please feel free to ask questions and post comments. Also please keep in mind I’m still a wretched man and sinner. I’m far far from perfect, but this blog does help me to air out issues I’m struggling with.