Unsure of Myself (Psalm 39)

I'm unsure how often I will be posting. Perhaps I will post some poems I wrote? Perhaps this will turn into more of a journal? I have so much on my mind and yet so little (if that makes any sense). I have no idea where I'm going in my life or what my life experiences, thus far, have amounted to. For sure, from a worldly perspective my life is a complete failure on so many levels. I'm trusting in the Lord that He has a better plan for my life. I'm trusting that all these trials I've faced in my life and all of these experiences actually add up to something significant.

I'm praying for encouragement in the form of seeing open doors. My prayer and desire is to be married and that me and my wife could partner in a full time ministry. However, my reality is that I'm currently unemployed with no direction for my life both professionally and spiritually and only closed doors before my eyes. However, I'm praying, reading the Bible and I'm seeking out any and all opportunities in my life.

During my vacation last week (mostly during the plane rides) I read about half of 'The Journals of Jim Elliot'. Very interesting read. Very interesting to take a peek almost 60 years in the past. It's been very interesting to read how much Jim struggled with God's will and direction for his life, both in ministry and marriage. I may post more thoughts on this book once I've finished it. For now, though, I'll just share the following chapter from Psalms that Jim referenced in his book:

Psalm 39
I said, “I will guard my ways, Lest I sin with my tongue; I will restrain my mouth with a muzzle,
While the wicked are before me.”
I was mute with silence, I held my peace even from good; And my sorrow was stirred up.
My heart was hot within me; While I was musing, the fire burned. Then I spoke with my tongue: “LORD, make me to know my end, And what is the measure of my days, That I may know how frail I am. Indeed, You have made my days as handbreadths, And my age is as nothing before You; Certainly every man at his best state is but vapor. Surely every man walks about like a shadow; Surely they busy themselves in vain; He heaps up riches, And does not know who will gather them.”
“And now, Lord, what do I wait for? My hope is in You. Deliver me from all my transgressions; Do not make me the reproach of the foolish. I was mute, I did not open my mouth, Because it was You who did it. Remove Your plague from me; I am consumed by the blow of Your hand. When with rebukes You correct man for iniquity, You make his beauty melt away like a moth; Surely every man is vapor.
“Hear my prayer, O LORD, And give ear to my cry; Do not be silent at my tears; For I am a stranger with You, A sojourner, as all my fathers were. Remove Your gaze from me, that I may regain strength, Before I go away and am no more.”