I talk a lot of things over with my closest friends. Typically we talk about women (though I’m trying to keep this between me and God), music, movies, shows, occasionally sports, reminiscing the past or discussing the future. However, we also spend a good bit of time discussing faith based issues or issues of the day. One such issue which recently came up is the allure and consequences of pornography with Christian men. I realize women really don’t understand this, as they typically don’t understand the allure, just as most men might not understand the allure of exhibitionism (just look around any sizeable church and you’ll know what I’m referring to), gossiping or shopping. Basically it all comes down to control and/or escapism.
I believe it was Tears for Fears which stated that “everyone wants to rule the world”. Is this true? We have plenty of vehicles we can use here in America to facilitate the illusion of ruling our own worlds. Do we desire to control? Are we really willing to give God the control He not only deserves, but already has in our lives? How long are we going to live in the illusion of self control? Look at the reward in Mormonism (the men get to rule their own world and get a ton of virgin women, or something like that).
Proverbs 18:1 states: “A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; He rages against all wise judgment.” Well what does this have to do with pornography, you might ask? Everything. It comes back to control. The more we try to control, the more we will isolate ourselves from others because we become independent to a fault. Again, Proverbs 16:9 states: “A man’s heart plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps.”
Perhaps you’re saying to yourself “Bill you’re full of crap! Pornography is about lust, not control. It’s visual man, not prideful. I mean, other than me no one gets hurt, so it’s really not that bad.” Really? Are you sure of that? Yes I realize Christ speaks of it in Matthew 5:28 that we shouldn’t even look at a woman lustfully, making this a visual sin. However, I would disagree it’s a victimless sin. What about the woman on the other side of the screen or page? She wouldn’t be there if no one was looking. What about your wife or future wife? What about your kids? What about your relationship with the Lord? Can you really do something no other human being has ever done? Can you really separate the sin from the sinner?
Here in America we are defined by our jobs. There’s no way around it. I’m Bill the engineer, not Bill the man, not Bill the sinner, not Bill the Christian, not Bill the son of my dad. What’s always one of the first questions someone asks you? “So what do you do?” In Israel, or anywhere in the Middle East the question would more than likely be: “What family, or tribe are you from?” Not that there’s anything wrong with this, unless we take it too far and say make our jobs #1 in our lives, consistently work OT instead of spending time with our relationships. One allure of putting our jobs #1 is the possibility of advancement. Spend more time at work and the result is hopefully those over us will notice and throw more responsibilities and money at us. A possible allure for a woman dressing scantily (see exhibitionism above) is the sense of control over her own body while getting the attention of some men and the envy of other women. The allure of watching pornography is the sense of controlling a natural desire on our own terms. The allure of video games is this sense of controlling the outcome of our lives. Victory is inevitable and so is the false sense of accomplishment.
What does God say about escapism? Matthew 13 refers to the parable of the sower and the seed. Look at verse 22: “Now he who received seed among the thorns is he who hears the word, and the cares of this world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and he becomes unfruitful.” Can we not see the dangers of control? A woman dresses like an exhibitionist at church because she wants to get the attention of men and be envied by other women (something which should be reserved for her husband only). A man looks at pornography so he can control his sexual desire, which is intended for his wife.
What is a possible consequence of viewing pornography? Is it only a present sin which goes away as soon as the TV or computer is shut off or the magazine is thrown out? How does it relate to faith in God? How might it affect other relationships? Well one possible result is this over developed sense of independence. A marriage is all about interdependence with each other, but full dependence on Jesus Christ. If you’re looking at pornography (which is very addictive and habit forming) then you’re getting your sexual desires fulfilled outside of marriage and the natural use of your wife’s body. For the sake of equal representation, women who dress scantily outside of closed doors, with their husbands, are fulfilling their desire for attention from others. The men don’t care that they will feel less drawn to their wives and potentially start to view women as objects rather than human beings and coheirs. The women don’t care that they are aiding in the fall of their brothers and showing less interest in real relationships, especially with their boyfriends or husbands.
The Bible states, in 1Timothy 5:2: that we men are to treat “younger women as sisters, with absolute purity” and women, regarding dress 1Timothy 2:9-10 states: “I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.” These are not my words but God’s.
Don’t be a Christian Buddhist and keep all of your shields up and never be truly vulnerable because you’ve been hurt. The world doesn’t revolve around you, it revolves around Jesus Christ. Men, stop looking at the pornography because you’re hurting yourself and everyone who cares or will care about you, including your relationship with Jesus Christ. You’re building a wall so thick no one will ever be able to get through, especially your wife or a woman you might want to pursue. Women, stop dressing so immodestly because you’re attracting the wrong type of men and perhaps causing other men to fall from lust and other women to fall from envy or self loathing. Men stop playing so many video games because that sense of accomplishment is false and you’ve just wasted hours you could’ve spent in meaningful fellowship or reading. Women stop gossiping because ultimately you’re going to drive any quality people you have in your life and only attract other shallow gossipers. Men stop working crazy hours or spending so much time working around the house because you feel the future looks brighter because of what you’re doing now. Instead spend the time with loved ones or reaching out to those truly in need. Balance is the key. Women stop spending so much time on the phone or shopping. Relish the time you have with friends, family and others in need who are right in front of you. Spend the quality time with Jesus Christ so that you can in turn be the person who says the right word at the right time and changes the course of someone else’s life, just by being available and allowing the Lord to work through you. Give up control to Jesus Christ. He won’t steer you wrong and further the concerns of this life will fade away and you realize the surpassing grace of knowing Jesus Christ and the good work He’s doing in your heart. Once you put your cares on Jesus then the desire to escape and control your life will diminish, but you have to believe that He truly loves you just as you are.
