The following is a copy (though not exact. I added the verses for this posting, for example) of an email I sent to a friend of mine in response to his encouragement for me to attend seminary. While I whole-heartedly appreciate his encouragement and the friends God has blessed me with. I'm continually forced to contemplate the extent of wickedness in my own heart (i.e. my selfish motivations). Perhaps I'm seeing sin where there is none, or at the very least over exaggerating my negative motivations, however, I prefer to accept this sin and thus my ever present need of Jesus Christ.
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Not 100% sure of seminary as I was before. Kind of realizing my motivation may have been driven more by my desire for change then a true calling, at least right now. To be honest, most of the men I've met or known or seen preach, who attended seminary seem to have big heads full of knowledge which has, for the most part, been divorced from their hearts. Out of touch/clueless men trying to touch the hearts of the flocks entrusted to them. Christianity isn't a form of learned knowledge, at least not when compared to knowing Jesus Christ. We would have no need of the Holy Spirit if our own intellect could achieve holiness or true wisdom (Job 28:28, Proverbs 1:7 & Proverbs 9:10). You don't study someone to bond with, relate and love them. You live and share life with them, you don't study them. In the case of Jesus Christ we all do need to study His word, but we shouldn't study it as one would study a history book. We most definitely should pray, but not as if speaking to thin air, but as speaking with our king.
So I'm forced to ask myself the question: What is my motivation in desiring to attend seminary? Am I hoping seminary will open a door God alone is somehow incapable of opening? If I am then this is most definitely a wrong motivation. Do I desire seminary because I want to meet and marry a supposedly truly godly woman? If I am then this is also a bad, as God is fully able to do this with or without my help, let alone seminary. Do I desire seminary to be able to wield the knowledge and wisdom of the word as a sword to strike down those who would oppose me? This would be a most heinous and wicked reason to attend seminary. However, if I feel God stirring in my heart a burning desire to know His son Jesus Christ through discipleship and mentoring with and by godly men. If I feel I'm humble enough in spirit to handle the knowledge the Holy Spirit can use through me to comfort and minister to others, then this is a more noble and godly calling to attend seminary. It's always about Jesus Christ and Him crucified. It's about Him changing my appearance into His image. It's NEVER about me and my glory or personal knowledge. Knowledge, as with any gift God showers upon us, is a crown, which should decorate the area around the feet of Jesus Christ and not any of our heads.
